Scorecard

Meanwhile, O.J. has a starring role in O.J. Simpson: Minimum Maintenance Witness for Men, a 68-minute video that Simpson filmed in May, a few weeks before he was charged. The video is geared, as its publicity material trumpets, "toward men whose busy schedules don't leave them time for a workout regimen at the gym or health club."

Golf on Another Planet

If you made seven 2s and 14 birdies over 35 holes and lost, you would:

a) call ahead and have the butler hide the razor blades:

b) have somebody caned;

c) be Seve Ballesteros.

Last Friday, in what might have been the greatest golf match ever, Ballesteros played as brilliantly as he had at any time in his life yet lost his match to an inhuman Ernie Els at the World Match Play Championship at Wentworth in Virginia Water, England.

As spectacular as Ballesteros was, Els was even better, making two eagles and 10 birdies. In the morning round Els came to the 452-yard par-4 3rd and thumped his eight-iron into the hole for an eagle. In the afternoon he came to the same hole and bounced his second shot off the flagstick, the ball rolling 12 feet away. Hey, nobody's perfect.

In one unforgettable stretch Ballesteros went birdie, par. birdie and lost ground to Els, who merely went eagle, birdie, birdie. Ballesteros opened the back nine in the morning with birdies on four of five holes and made up no ground. Ballesteros birdied seven par-3s, only to watch Els halve him four of those times. Of the 16,000 fans watching, it's estimated that 8,000 of them went home and quit the game forever.

Incredibly, Ballesteros never led, despite an estimated 66 in the morning. On the final nine holes he birdied every other hole and still couldn't catch Els, who went on to win the championship with victories over José María Olazábal and Colin Montgomerie. When it was over, Ballesteros could only shrug and say. "This Els is impressive."