Wayward Travel

To: British Open tour group
From: Alan Shipnuck, Director
Re: Itinerary for St. Andrews

Below are the details of the action-packed week we have put together for you at the British Open. Remember, we're traveling to the Home of Golf, so let's be on our best behavior!

July 17

9 a.m.
Assemble at Logan International Airport.

9:05 a.m.
Cocktails.

10 a.m.
Depart on British Airways Flight 1776. We have arranged a special in-flight screening of The Patriot.

July 18

8 a.m.
Bus leaves for day trip to Carnoustie. Egg McMuffins and keg onboard. Carnoustie is a long, difficult course, so we have imported motorized carts for your convenience. Be advised that the Scotch* (pronounced same as the single malt—ha ha!) play at a brisk pace. Please limit practice swings to six per hole, per player. Ditto cigar consumption.

2 p.m.
Into the Bear Pit book signing, followed by a Q&A session with author Mark James. (Suggested topics to explore with Mr. James: Nick Faldo's contributions to European golf; the importance of rookies in the Ryder Cup; the sanctity of the team room.)

*The Scotch can be very reserved. Here's a possible conversational gambit: "So, who do you like this week, Paul Lawrie or Gordon Sherry?"