2054: A Sports Odyssey

Announcer: Neuro-Numb, the Official Nerve Relaxer of the PGA Tour.

O.K., Pacific Ocean, you're on with Johnny Orbit.

Hi, Johnny, comin' at you from the ocean floor, sub-3,000 feet. We're really into the Scubaball Leagues down here. Can you tell me something about this Three-Lung Jackson, the new wing-forward for Indian Ocean?

Yeah, hold on, let me find the book.... Yeah, seven-six, 340, 23 years old, born in Lake Superior...DNA baby...41 percent human, 59 percent cyborg, including his spear arm and fins.... Favorite meal is a big, thick grouper smothered in Rust-Oleum, (click) Take one more call. Antarctica, you're on.

Johnny, just want you to know it's a beautiful 108� here and still no dome.

Yeah, may your gluteal plate deoxify.

Listen, did you get this week's SPORTS ILLUSTRATED laser disk yet?

Not yet.

Well, I guess they're celebrating their 100th anniversary and they had some stuff from old issues in there you wouldn't believe.

I'll bite. Like what?