I Dream Of Janet ...

Bring me the head of the guy who brought me the head of the Phillie Phanatic
A 37-year-old man was sentenced to two years' probation for allegedly stealing the head of the Phillie Phanatic and then trying to return it for a $5,000 reward.

Not well
Onstage at a charity telethon, legendary radio disc jockey Bruce (Cousin Brucie) Morrow cheerfully asked Roberto Clemente Jr. , "How's your dad?"

Clemente died in '72
Pete Rose wrote in My Prison Without Bars that he was picked ahead of Clemente to start in an All-Star Game in the mid-'70s.

Mays retired in '73
Rose also boasted that he started ahead of Willie Mays in that game.

One more than Bill Clinton
North Korea 's government-controlled media reported that Kim Jong Il shoots at least three holes in one every time he plays a round of golf.

Curse of the Gambinos
FBI documents claimed that reliever John Franco left New York Mets tickets for members of the Bonanno crime family.

What a tool
Boston Red Sox first base coach Lynn Jones injured an eye after losing control of a screwdriver while trying to open a box at his home.

And you thought the NHL lockout was the year's longest labor story
At the Tommy Hilfiger fashion show in New York City , Paris Hilton asked 24-year-old Venus Williams and her 23-year-old sister, Serena , "How many minutes apart were you born?"

Now he's crossed the line
DirecTV filed a federal lawsuit against O.J. Simpson alleging that he illegally unscrambled its satellite signal.

Of which Don King took $4.97
In U.S. bankruptcy court records Mike Tyson listed his earnings for November 2003 as $5.58.