The Show

I've got to finish up quickly. Tom DeLay is holding a tee time for me at Royal Troon.

Bud Selig proposes "three strikes and you're out" policy for steroids Naturally Donald Fehr wants him to change the phrase to "three work stoppages."

Selig is serious. First offense, 50-game ban. Second offense, 100-game ban. Third offense, you get jumped by the Cansecos.

A former business partner of Lenny Dykstra recently claimed he was involved with betting on baseball and used steroids during his career. Uh-oh. Suddenly, his confirmation for ambassador to the U.N. isn't such a lock.

The pool at Arizona's Bank One Ballpark was renovated for $150,000. And you thought there were no benefits to getting rid of Randy Johnson.

NFL in da House!! You call those steroid hearings? Six hours--not one deliberately exaggerated Spanish accent.

The hearings were pretty nondescript, although Paul Tagliabue had to cut his testimony short after dislocating his shoulder patting himself on the back.

The league is tripling the number of off-season steroid tests. It sounds tough, but players can now challenge up to two positive results with instant replay.

The NFL is always on the cutting edge of antidrug technology. Next year at the scouting combine, they'll be able to measure the vertical leap of your testosterone.

Since 1989, 111 players have tested positive for steroids--54 served their suspension, 57 opted for retirement and 13 turned over their stash to Bill Romanowski.