The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch

I feel sorry for certain people. Leon Spinks 's orthodontist. Bode Miller 's agent. Anybody in a ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini .

But nobody has it worse than the poor souls in marketing for some major league baseball teams.

Thanks to owners with the financial acumen of Mike Tyson , baseball has no salary cap, which means only about 10 teams out of 30 have a chance to win a championship. They know it. We know it. Tibetan monks know it.

So the marketing guys have to come up with a slogan that will lure fans to the park without flat-out deceiving them. I mean, it's not like the Kansas City Royals can put up billboards that read FOLLOW US TO THE WORLD SERIES!

In the world of advertising, this is considered a very tough sell. Like pitching Asian chickens or fur sinks or vacation time-shares in Kabul .

Still, they continue to amaze with their ability to find something good about their teams. Take a look at this year's batch of marketing slogans.

AMERICAN LEAGUE

TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS--Coming Soon! Major League Baseball !

DETROIT TIGERS--We Guarantee We'll Get More Wins Than the Lions!

BALTIMORE ORIOLES--Steroid-free Since February!