The Show

Quick Impression� Elin Nordegren Woods: "I don't care that your plans changed. You have nothing to do this weekend, you can put in the screens."

Six years later John Rocker referring to himself as a victim So he's developed a changeup.

Rocker reportedly claimed that in the last six years he has suffered more abuse than Hank Aaron or Jackie Robinson. Please. What, was he turned away from a lunch counter because they refused to serve idiots?

When he pitches for the Long Island Ducks, Rocker wears plugs in his ears so he cannot hear the crowd. That's sad. This whole story could have been prevented if only we had been wearing those things.

Jason Giambi continues to struggle Last week Joe Torre came this close to sending Giambi to Columbus and replacing him on the roster with Bellamy Road.

George Steinbrenner is frustrated. He may tell Giambi to start taking steroids again and beat the tests with urine from the Irish Tenor.

Barry Bonds's 700th home run ball went back up for auction. It has a slight gash from where his doctor cut into it by mistake.

Albert Ting, Bonds's doctor, has been disciplined twice by the California state medical board and is currently on probation. He's using the time to pitch his reality TV show, Meniscus Bloopers.

We're off to sweep the Wizards Very impressive. The Heat won the last two games in Washington without Shaquille O'Neal. Doctors liken Shaq's thigh bruise to what would happen if he hit his leg twice with a sledgehammer, or once with one of his free throws.

In a recent interview Shaq ripped Lakers management and referred to Kobe Bryant as "Whatchamacallit." Wow. That may be even more disrespectful than "the defendant."