The Show

Happy holidays. I hate to get tough, but beginning with this column, alcohol sales will be cut off after the third joke.

Two days after being suspended, Ron Artest appears on Today The spin is everywhere. Artest was on Today, the fan accused of throwing the cup at him appeared on Good Morning America, and the chair that got tossed did an hour with Charlie Rose.

John Green, who allegedly threw the cup, is on probation and also has a conviction for carrying a concealed weapon. And how's this for a coincidence? Last week he asked his boss for time off to promote his rap sheet.

The cup purported to be thrown at Artest was briefly auctioned on eBay but was pulled from the site after someone bid $99 million. Well, that makes it official. Mark Cuban has too much money.

On the bright side it's nice to know eBay is policed better than an NBA arena.

In non-Artest NBA news, police twice used a stun gun to shock Timberwolves center Michael Olowokandi when he refused to leave a club. Seems excessive. Usually you can shock Olowokandi by giving him the ball down low.

And you can get him to leave a club for a fourth-round pick.

Fox Network buys rights to BCS bowls for $330 million Great. Now, the BCS rankings will be based on the polls, strength of schedule and The O'Reilly Factor.

Colorado will play Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game. Wait a minute. I thought the Buffs' football program wasn't going to be punished any further.

Former Washington coach Rick Neuheisel, fired last year in light of gambling allegations, was cleared of wrongdoing. After a lengthy investigation, it turns out his NCAA pool was above ground.