Just My Type

DEFENDING MASTERS champ Zach Johnson (below) says that except for a brief trip to New York City , his green jacket has stayed in his closet. Where's the fun in that? Here's where I would have worn it if I'd won the Masters.

1. The airport, where I'd loudly tell the security screeners, "Yes, I will gladly take off this green jacket I won by beating Tiger Woods at the Masters and place it on the conveyor belt."

2. On a drive-by past the house of every girl who ever dumped me.

3. On a drive-by past Greg Norman 's house.

4. The Hamptons. Vibrant bolds are sooo in this season.

5. The putt-putt course, for 18 holes with the kids. And after I beat them, I'd insist on having the pimply faced teen behind the counter—whom I'd call Hootie—present me with the jacket in a hushed and touching ceremony.

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