Weekend Primer

You know all is right in the college football world when traditional powers Kentucky, Cal and South Florida are ranked in the top 10. Jim Leavitt's Bulls currently find themselves ranked ahead of Florida, Miami and Florida State ... just like the experts predicted.

Speaking of Kentucky, head coach Rich Brooks created a tiny stir last week when he told Jim Rome that "there are four or five USCs" in the SEC and his team has the potential to be one of them. This initially doesn't seem so rash until you realize the USC he was referring is not South Carolina, but Southern Cal. The biggest impact of Brooks' comments, aside from their intrinsic comedic value, is they have given rise to the Weekend Primer's newest recurring category (more on that later). But first ...

Oklahoma vs. Texas. What, you were expecting something else? Yes, there is that titanic SEC tussle down in Baton Rouge on Saturday, but every other college football writer is hyping that one as this weekend's biggest, so what's the fun in that? Sure, that game is fine if you're into things such as America's loudest stadium, the defending national champs taking on the AP's No. 1 team and the country's best defense trying to stop a multitalented Heisman-caliber quarterback. But the two Red River rivals hate each other more; when in doubt, always go with hatred. Besides, the actions of Florida safety and captain Tony Joiner have ensured that Florida-LSU is better suited for another category (see below). Pick: Sooners by 11

Notre Dame at UCLA. A valiant effort to make Purdue break a sweat last weekend has earned the Irish a temporary reprieve from their season-long ridicule. But as the year unfolds and we gain some perspective, has there been an upset quite as mystifying as that 44-6 humiliation the Bruins received from Utah? Common sense says the Bruins won't lay another egg like that against an unranked team, but you can never count out the Karl Dorrell magic. Pick: Bruins by 20

Tracking the fortunes of college football's greatest corporation, Notre Dame, we find the stock to be ... up as they face L.A.'s "other" college team. The Irish showed signs of life with Evan Sharpley under center, and it's just in time: After going 0-5 against four now-unranked teams and the Boilermakers, the Irish are on to the easy part of their schedule. At least ND has a now-familiar routine for its latest road trip: fly out to L.A., soak up the California sun, get cheered by the thousands of subway (freeway?) alums who managed to get tickets to the game ... and promptly get thrashed.

Before heading to Baton Rouge for the Florida-LSU showdown, we make a pit stop in Gainesville, where UF's Joiner was arrested and charged with burglary after allegedly helping to liberate his girlfriend's car from a towing company without paying the $76 bill. Tim Tebow is reportedly so angry he spurned Joiner's latest kiss. And the Gators are at a crossroads after they carried on a longtime tradition of never having an undefeated season in school history. Then again, considering that last year's title squad also lost to Auburn, maybe they've got the rest of the nation right where they want them. LSU, meanwhile, comes into the showdown riding the momentum of last week's dominating first-half performance in which the Tigers outscored Tulane 10-9. Pick: Tigers by 9

USC's march to fulfill Jim Harbaugh's prophecy as the greatest college football team ever continues in Los Angeles, where the Trojans take on none other than Harbaugh's Stanford Cardinal. USC showcased its true historical brilliance last weekend in Seattle by piling up 16 penalties for 161 yards, three turnovers, three late hits in the first quarter, two offensive linemen injured on one play and a blocked punt thrown in for good measure. Harbaugh, meanwhile, tweaked Pete Carroll before the season, claiming sources told him Carroll is leaving after this season for the NFL. But no matter how bad the Trojans looked last week (if you're scoring at home, that would be 'really bad'), our own sources tell us that Stanford is probably going to get killed. Pick: Trojans by 38

As the SEC continues to back up Les Miles' claim that USC has an easier road than if they played in Dixie, Arkansas hosts Chattanooga. Nice to see Darren McFadden has finally awakened to the stark reality of the Heisman race: It doesn't really matter what you do against good teams, just throw up some ridiculous numbers against weaker ones and people will assume you're destined for the Downtown Athletic Club. Pick: Hogs by about six McFadden touchdowns

Utah State at Hawaii. It's been a disappointing stretch for the greatest quarterback ever to dye the silhouette of the 50th state into his hair. First he denies us the chance to see a I-A team break the century mark by sitting out the Rainbow Warriors' game against Charleston Southern; then he throws five picks against Idaho. So it's do-or-die time: light up the Aggies, or Texas Tech's Graham Harrell takes over as our new favorite gimmick-system quarterback. Pick: Rainbows by 39

Now that we're in the thick of a very serious national-title race, it seems only fitting that this very frivolous category be temporarily retired. Also, Oregon has a bye this week.