The Year of Living Tiger-free

Augusta, April 1, 2009 -- Ten months removedfrom reconstructiveknee surgery, Tiger Woods will returnto action at next week's Masters.

It will mark the sports world'sfirst sighting of him since he madelike Willis Reed to win the U.S. Openat Torrey Pines, and his first glimpseof a golf landscape that has undergoneseismic changes in his absence.

Some alterations to the sport will beobvious. At Augusta National, forexample, after years of so-calledTiger-proofing to make the courselonger and harder, the green jacketshave decided to use the 6,450-yardmember's tees and installed movingwalkways throughout the hillycourse.

What's more, holes 11, 12and 13 have been rebranded asAmen He's Back! Corner.

Interest in Woods is so acute becausehe has maintained a Pynchonlikeseclusion since the operation torepair his torn left ACL last June,communicating with the public onlythrough cryptic musings -- "Anyoneelse heard the rumors about a GossipGirl spinoff? I need to know!" -- postedlate at night on his Facebookpage.

The only confirmed sightingsof Woods have been at Mommy &Me gatherings throughout centralFlorida, and according to sources in hisdaughter Sam's music class, the Tiger whoshows up at Augusta National will be markedlydifferent from the one who limped outof sight last June.

He is said to have added17 pounds of muscle, most of it in his left leg.Gone will be the trademark swoosh on his cap, replaced with mayo clinic, which tookadvantage of golf fans' newfound interestin medical issues and became his newestbig-ticket sponsor. Woods will also unveila reconstructed swing designed to reducethe torque on his left knee: After carefullystudying a sequence of photos of CharlesBarkley taken at 1999's AmericanCentury Celebrity Golf Championship,Woods has incorporated apronounced hitch in his downswing.

It is a testament to his tremendousathletic ability that he is still able todrive the ball up to 210 yards.To chronicle the return of theworld No. 1 -- yes, Woods had piledup enough points to retain his loftyperch while idled -- ESPN and CBSare planning wall-to-wall coverage.

(A tiny camera has been embeddedwithin Woods's knee, so viewers cangauge how well his surgically repairedACL holds up during the Masters.)

Television executives are giddy aboutWoods's return, since ratings haveplunged 93% without him. It's beenso bad at Golf Channel that instead ofproviding live coverage of the Fall Series,the network ran an endless loopof Woods's 2006 appearance on TheEllen DeGeneres Show.